"Wanted: Retriever/Corgi mix who goes by the name 'Artie.' Wanted
for Murder of three TV remote controls and for malicious destruction
of an end table. "
"Can easily be identified by one ear up and one ear down M.O.
Should be considered short-armed and dangerous (if you are plastic
and are used to operate audio/video devices). If you come in contact
with the accused, do not try to apprehend yourself. Just rub his
tummy until the proper authorities arrive on the scene."